3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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