I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
