I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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