dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
