I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
