billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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