So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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