It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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