idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
