You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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