we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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