I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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