Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
