return my video game
My first STD was from a foam party
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
