I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
