everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
