I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
