If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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