Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
