do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
