The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
