Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
