And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
