I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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