i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
