I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
