I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish I only lived at night.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
