Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize