I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
