It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to make out with him forever
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize