In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
