i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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