I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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