And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
