Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
