ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
