he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
