I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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