mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
