I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
