Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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