This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
