he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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