i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
