He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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