just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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