That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
