saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
