i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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