You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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