Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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