It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
