i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
