everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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