I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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