He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
