Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
