well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
