It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
