If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
