I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Randomize
