She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
