the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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