You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
