life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there was a trapeze. enough said
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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