i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
