Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My vagina is very pro this idea
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
