She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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