Can Purell be used as lube?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
